Soulfood

Kelly Kapic

Embracing the Rhythms and Seasons of Life

Have I been faithful? What does a rich life look like? We too easily create an “uber-person” in our minds who is an amalgam of all the traits we have admired over our lives and idealize that imaginary person – and measure ourselves against that fake ideal. And then we are discontented because we constantly fall short of that ideal we imagine in other people’s lives.

Being content involves understanding that in different seasons of life – youth, puberty, parenthood with infants, parenting teenagers, health, sickness, want, plenty, empty nesters, grandparents, etc. – our limits change. They expand and contract and sometimes only contract. And if we don’t remember that limits change and limits are good. Limits remind us that we are not infinite.

We can’t have it all. Having it all is adding, adding, adding – we can’t do it all. We just can’t. And THAT’S OKAY. If we think we can do all the good things and have all that we want all at once, we will constantly be frustrated, disappointed, discouraged, and discontent.

We have to guard against creating and internalizing unrealistic expectations for ourselves. Part of that is recognizing seasons and patterns of life. We can do really hard things in times of crisis – but we aren’t made to live in constant crisis.

“As long there is a child under the age of five in your home, you’re not allowed to evaluate your marriage.” Whether one agrees with that or not, it’s important to make allowances for our circumstances.

We need to recognize our vulnerability. “Vulnerability is not something we choose or that is true in a particular moment of our existence. It is something we are. It’s why we wear clothes, live in houses, and have speed limits. So much we do in life is to protect ourselves from the vulnerabilities to which we are subject.”

Men, Women, and Worthiness (Brene? Brown). Men are not supposed to be vulnerable. Our culture puts men in the position where they are expected to be invulnerable and independent. But men are also needy and dependent, and not just on their Creator. If you hear someone talking about being self-made, check for a belly button!

Fauxnerability – Chuck DeGroat – using fake vulnerability to draw people in so that they can manipulate them.

It is difficult to honor one another when we are constantly competing with them. Romans 12:1ff Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil, hold fast to what is good. Love another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor….Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.”

The opposite is true as well – if we cannot accept honor from others, that is also a type of competitive spirit.

Diversity can be helpful because it shows us our blind spots. But it also shows us our strengths. Recognizing our weaknesses should help us be thankful for the strengths of others. We need each other! And being comfortable with our weaknesses is part of living contentedly with our limits. (Which doesn’t make it okay if our weaknesses are causing us to sin against others!)

Express lament and cultivate gratitude. Biblical realism embraces the tension between lament and thankfulness. It’s not one or the other. We can talk about how angry and disappointed with God we are and in the same breath praise Him for His kindness (Psalm 22). We don’t have to understand how it works. And if we don’t understand the full implications of the incarnation, all of this is just self-help. Because God became human and died and swallowed up sin and death, so that we can live all of Psalm 22 and Psalm 23. The bleeding, weeping Christ is not just empathetic – He became like us in our vulnerability so that we can be near to Him. He is so near to us that we are united to Him.

In lament and gratitude we learn to be honest with God.

We sleep because we are creatures. We sleep because we are weak. We need rest. If we don’t rest, our bodies will make us rest. We sleep because God never does.