Soulfood

Mark Vroegop

The first question we have to ask ourselves in our relationships, work, family, etc. is what our expectations are. If we do not understand our expectations we will not be able to shepherd them.

Psalm 40 – I waited [patiently] for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry.

The word patiently isn’t in the Hebrew but the Hebrew word for waiting inheres a sense of tension and expectation. An equally accurate translation is “I waited, and waited, and waited for the LORD.” The tension in waiting is related to our expectations. And in this technological age our internal clocks have accelerated and our expectations for how long we should have to wait have been shortened. What if waiting and waiting is about our expectations?

Patience isn’t just about what we don’t do while we are waiting, but what we choose to do while we are waiting. Think of the older translation of patience as longsuffering. We are forced to suffer longer – longer than what? Longer than what we expected. We have to recalibrate ourselves to an expectation of longer suffering if we are to be content and restful.

Think of Abraham waiting 25 years for the promised child. Joseph waited years in prison. Moses was in exile for years. Our mis-calibrated expectations have ruined our ability to wait patiently in restful contentment. God’s timing is not beholden to our expectations.

Example of James speaking about the farmer waiting for his crops. A farmer must wait patiently for the seed to germinate and grow – if he can’t, why is he farming? Example of the Israelites between the Red Sea and the Egyptian army. This is not what we expected – so we attack those around us with our words. Moses told them that the LORD would fight for them, they had only to be silent. Example of the Israelites at Sinai, who couldn’t wait for Moses to return from the mountain and they made an idol and engaged in sexual immorality. They expected him to return sooner, and when he didn’t they filled the gap between their expectations and their reality with idolatry and immorality. And we do the same!

When there is a gap between our expectations and our reality, we tend to become anxious and seek to control our circumstances and the people around us to make our reality meet our expectations. This always leads to idolatry.

Uncertainty is also a test of our faith. Having an expectation of certainty can lead us to restlessness and anxiety. We long for the power of certainty and so we are willing to sin to comfort ourselves with our knowledge. But the more we expect to know and be able to control, the more restless we become. Consider intentional ignorance – we don’t need to know everything about everything.

Delays cause us to act sinfully to bring about our expectations within the timeframe we desire. Even when we expect to be delayed, if it takes longer than we planned we become fretful and anxious. God uses delays to remind us we are not in control.

Disappointment – when even good desires are disappointed, we can fall into sin as we become angry and bitter about unmet expectations. Deferring dreams can cause us to make desperate choices when we should rather choose contentment.

Pain – the expectation that we will be relieved of suffering can lead us to unbelief because we forget who we are.

Expectations are hard because we feel powerless. The gaps between our expectations and reality are about control. Instead of resting in God’s sovereignty we seek to assert ourselves, with awful results.

Anger, anxiety, and apathy are three common outcomes of unmet expectations.

Anger is one way of attempting to force a change in our circumstances to make them match our expectations. It is external. It is exhausting, ultimately, as we try to assert ourselves with actions to fill the gap.

Anxiety is an internal unhealthy coping strategy with which we seek to fill the gap between our circumstances and our expectations. It keeps us restless as we try to think our way out of our limitations.

Apathy is the response in which we stop caring and simply quit. It is still not restful, because it is a self-protective response that cannot give refreshment. It is another defense mechanism we use to control our disappointment.

The first step to finding rest is recognizing that I have expectations.

Next I need to identify my expectations and it is often helpful to externalize them (say it out loud). Externalizing them often helps us to realize our expectations are unreasonable.

Talk to God about my expectations – pray about them. Converse with the LORD about my expectations to process them in light of His truth.

Take my expectations and give them to the LORD – in effect, acknowledging that I can’t control my circumstances and situations to meet my expectations. My wonderful plan for my life is not God’s. We have to release control of our expectations before we can find rest.

We cannot cling to our expectations for ourselves and *expect* to find rest. We have to evaluate our expectations in light of God’s sovereignty and hand them over to Him so that we can rest in Him.